


It's The End of the World but Pawnee Feels Fine

by secretsofthesky



Category: Parks and Recreation
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:35:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23682502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/secretsofthesky/pseuds/secretsofthesky
Summary: A cold open for if the characters were in quarantine.
Relationships: Leslie Knope/Ben Wyatt
Comments: 3
Kudos: 57





	It's The End of the World but Pawnee Feels Fine

**Parks and Recreation Characters During Quarantine**

The Knope-Wyatt household

_ *Leslie waves into a webcam excitedly* _

**Leslie:** “Ann! Even with that mask covering your face your beauty is still so radiant. You amazing heroic tulip how are you?”

**Ann:** * _ Sitting in the hospital break room, nods and smiles behind her mask* _ “Good… good! It’s crazy here, but I’m doing good.” * _ Glances around and lowers her voice, dipping down to bring her face closer to her phone* _ “Guess who was assigned to my floor today?”

**Leslie:** “Joe Biden?”

**Ann:** “No.  _ Jerry _ .”

**Leslie:** “Jerry?! Oh no, does he have…”

**Ann:** “No, no, not that. Apparently he was trampled in the mob trying to buy toilet paper or something. Broken leg, broken arm, very wounded pride. I guess it would have been much worse but a package of Charmin cushioned his fall.”

**Leslie:** “It is the softest of its kind. Poor Jerry. But on to more important topics, did you get my care package?”

**Ann:** “I did! Thank you  _ so _ much. How on earth did you manage to get all of that stuff? You haven’t been sneaking out to the store have you?”

**Leslie:** * _ Rolls her eyes* _ “No, Ben has me locked in my office and now he has alarms on the windows.”

**Ben:** * _ calling from the other room where the smell of marinara and mozzarella is wafting from* _ “It’s for your own good. Chief Trumple said he will have no choice but to actually arrest you if you try sneaking out to work again when we’re on lockdown.”

**Ann:** “Leslie!” 

**Leslie:** **_*_ ** _ Feigns innocence* _ “I was just trying to get supplies for my social distancing park model I’m building.” * _ Her eyes drift to the corner of her laptop as it beeps*  _ “Hold on one second Ann, Chris is trying to call.” 

**Ann:** “I actually have to head back to work so I will talk to you later. Love you!” 

**Leslie:** “Love you! Stay safe!” * _ clicks to answer Chris’s call.*  _

_ *Chris appears on the screen decked out in a hazmat suit and visibly sweating. _ *

**Chris:** “Leslie,” * _ He dramatically pauses, breathing heavily* _ “I  _ need  _ your help.”

**Leslie:** “Hey Chris! Do you need groceries again? Ben just ran out a couple of days ago but…”

**Chris:** “No, not that. There is a package on my porch. I don’t know who it's for, but the mailman just dropped it off. I haven’t ordered anything and am not expecting anything. It could be contaminated. The porch is attached to the house and what if it somehow gets in here? My body is a microchip and cannot handle…”

**Leslie:** “Chris! Calm down.” * _ She grins*  _ “That’s from me. It’s a care package.”

_ *Chris sinks into a chair.* _

**Chris:** “My heart is _ literally _ beating 70 beats a minute, Leslie, I was scared to death. I need to go meditate. I will call you back.” * _ He ends the call.*  _

**Leslie:** * _ Shaking her head in amusement as she dials April* _ “April! Oh, I’ve missed your face!” 

**April:** * _ In monotone* _ Hi Leslie. Thanks for the care package. Andy’s already ate like all of those candy bars.

**Leslie:** Those weren’t candy bars. Those were fiber bars for digestion since none of us are getting as much exercise as we were before. To keep you regular. 

**April:** * _ eyes narrowed as she looks back at her husband as he approaches her holding his stomach*  _ “That definitely explains why he keeps running to the bathroom. I was starting to think he picked something up since he won’t stop touching his face while we’re at the store.” 

**Andy: “** I’m not going to catch anything anyway, babe. I’m a bit _smarter_ than that”  _ *turns and smirks at camera* _ Don’t drink Corona beer, don’t get the coronavirus. Boom. Problem solved. 

**Leslie:** “Andy that’s not…”

**Andy:** “Leslie! Hey! You should have seen it today the funniest thing happened, April didn’t want these people near her so she said she was sick and started coughing and they all started running towards the paper products and ended up knocking Jerry over.” 

**April:** “It was like slow motion. It took him like twenty seconds to fall. It was amazing.” 

**Leslie:** “Oh dear…” * _ Her head shoots up _ * “Ben, is that something burning? Guys, I will call you right back.” 

_ *Ben walks into the room in an apron with flour all over his cheeks.*  _

**Ben:** “Everything’s fine. A calzone just ended up exploding in the oven.”

**Leslie:** Exploding? What did you put in it?

**Ben:** * _ Goes to speak but then stops and looks back at the kitchen before meeting her gaze again* _ “I’m not sure. I’m kind of running out of ingredients so i’m just winging it.” * _ Alarm goes off in kitchen and he walks back out*  _

_*Leslie_ _smirks and stares at his butt as he leaves, then video calls Donna*_

_ *Donna answers, laying in a beach chair with a drink in her hand* _

**Donna:** “Leslie, hey boo.” 

**Leslie:** “Donna! How are the islands?”

**Donna:** “Warm, empty, and  _ cheap _ . I got an automatic upgrade to the best suite they have, the beach to myself, and my own personal waiter and lifeguard since I’m the only one here. Quarantine is  _ bomb _ .” 

**Leslie:** “Don’t you miss home?”

**Donna: “** Not even a little bit. By the way, I got your care package. How’d you know what lotion I use and that I’d be running low? You are too good.” 

**Leslie:** “I do try. Have you heard from Tom?”

**Donna:** “Just talked to him a little bit ago. Ordered a few of those blinged-out facemasks he’s selling.”

**Leslie:** “Yeah, he sent me a picture of them earlier. I saw the model he hired to follow him around and spray people with Lysol if they came to close to him wearing one. I’m not certain you will be able to breathe under all of that bedazzling.” 

**Donna:** “For fashion, it’s a risk I’m willing to take.  _ *shakes her head when her phone dings*  _ This boy does not know when to quit.”

**Leslie:** “Who?”

**Donna:** “Jean-Ralphio. He called me earlier wanting to know if I wanted to invest my stimulus check into some new business idea he had and when I said no, asked me if I had any kids he could borrow to try and get more money himself.”

**Leslie:** “How am I not surprised?” 

**Donna: ‘** Actually, let me call you back. I think I know a way to get him to leave me alone or at least give him nightmares. Hopefully both.”

**Leslie:** “Good luck. Stay safe!”

_ *Leslie closes her laptop and picks up phone*  _

Ron’s cabin the woods

_ *Ron sits up straight when he hears a phone ringing, narrows his eyes and growls _ *

_ *After a few rings, he finds it hidden in a hunting satchel and upon reading the name on it, hesitantly answers* _

**Ron:** “Knope. Care to tell me how this phone made its way into my hunting satchel that hasn’t moved from my cabin in two years. 

**Leslie:** “I would but you wouldn’t like it.” 

**Ron:** * _ Visibly shudders at the idea of someone at his cabin* _ “Leslie I-”

**Leslie:** “How is your quarantine going?”

**Ron:** “The  _ vacation _ that I am taking at my own accord and not because the government has  _ ordered _ me to do  _ anything _ is going just fine. Or it was until two minutes ago.” 

**Leslie:** “Were you able to get to Food and Stuff before everything sold out?”

**Ron:** “No need. I have a freezer full of venison and a forest full of leaves that will work just fine if I run out of toilet paper.” 

**Leslie:** “Well, you seem like you’re all set…” * _ she smirks mischievously* _

**Ron:** _ *looks wary* _ “What did you do?”

**Leslie:** “Since you believe  Lagavulin makes you immune, I may or may not have sent a crate of it to be delivered to that abandoned house on Po-”

**Ron:** “Leslie for god sakes someone could be listening.”

**Leslie:** “-the abandoned house that may or may not be a few miles from where you are.”

**Ron:** _*silent for a moment*_ ...thank you.

**Leslie:** “You’re welcome. Now enjoy your  _ vacation _ and I will check in in a few days.” 

**Ron:** “The battery will be dead by then. It’s dying as we speak.”

**Leslie:** “Oh Ron, I know that. That’s why I have a few more hidden around on energy save mode. Stay safe!” 

_ *Leslie clicks off her laptop as the doorbell chimes* _

_ From the other room: _

**Mailman:** “Sir, where would you like us to put all of these boxes?”

**Ben:** “Uh, one moment. Leslie did you order like-”  _ *pauses as he counts* _ “-like fifty packages?”

**Leslie from her office:** “Stuff for next week's care packages!” 

**Ben:** “Ah you can just leave them on the porch. I feel like I need to tip you for having to unload all of that but I have no cash on me.”  _ *glances at kitchen then back to mailman* _ “Can I interest you in a mystery calzone?”

* * *

  
  



End file.
